A pause or an end

 During the last summer 2020 and now in teh begoinning of autumn I havenät had the skill to compose music. I have just had tyoo much influences from people from the tropics. It is also so that if one reaches for some goal, that motivation gives better quality, while if one has succeeded in something that one values and others value too, then it is liuke a celebration day wit boredom, just noyt good for work or ordinary life, and so it is not good for composing either.

Some think that composing music is some kind of present, a position like a contract with a music publisher. But it is not so. For music to soiund like music the experienmce if life needs to be very much the same as that of others on a general level that is, so that when they listen to the mysuc their life sings similarly too and they find those same kinds of things meaningful in their lives. So the possibiliuty for composing many have, but all do not have enough wisdom of life to communicate interestingly to many and all do not have the skill of composing. That skill is just a singing experience of life which you can learn by having a fun sports hobby and having a music hobby too, listening to music in the radio etc. In addition one needs the ability to either sing and recors or play or recognize the notes of the melody, which I learned from little birds. Different people make different kind of music and often hearing different kinds of music is enjoyable, so others too composing isn't away from oneself. One cannot earn anything by composing, the sums are much smaller than the effect of people having opinions about what you have done, much smaller than wage.

After I staryted composing spring 2019 my writing work of some twenty years has run into problems. Maybe someone thinks that I should chagnge my profession to comoposing. But I feel that I cannot separate the two, a composer too needs a life and peace, a place in the world and money too, which is much more likely from writing than from composing. 

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7th of December 2020   Now that it is a year since I composed my winter melodies, I notice that the music is like a picture made of tunes, while the experience of life from which iI composed the melodies was a landscape, snow all around, and the cold against which body created heat was a major element of the situation. Those were very much like a picture plus atmospheres but abotu daily life and winter, not a tune in itself, but so much having an atmosphere that it sings. So that I need to think of the music as separate of how I experienced the weather. It is also different from how my experience of life sang, which was more all around and my body too, instead of one thing at a time, and more personal instead of some music that someone else plays. So I guess that the notes a composer makes are much more distant than the original source of the melodies in experience of life.